thoughts from Becki

Here we are, 10 months later and I’m still hanging on, and I’m still learning a lot about prayer and perspective. This is a very difficult time for me in this process. I feel pretty good, but I am not able to do the things I used to. I have to keep reminding myself that accomplishment is not what makes a person valuable. I feel like I am in limbo – not well enough to get out and act normal, but not sick enough to be stuck at home. Cancer research has made gigantic strides in the last 20 years and hopefully I will benefit from what I have been through, but ultimately Heavenly Father’s Will will take place. Although I know the right answer, I still have periods where I almost panic about missing milestones in the lives of my children, but deep down I know that I really won’t miss a thing, and maybe I’ll be more of an asset from the other side. I think it is not so much panic, as it is change. So often we try to second guess Heavenly Father’s personal plan for us and afterward admit that He knew what He was doing all along – we just kept getting in the way!! Don’t get me wrong, I would love to live another 10 years, but I’m sure there are many, many cancer families who would love the same thing. I remember hearing in a class I was taking that if Heavenly Father isn’t trying you, you’d better get your act together because trial brings the kind of growth necessary to bring about eternal families. That’s the whole idea behind our earthly experiences. In the final analysis family is all that matters.
When they talk about chemo brain, they are not kidding! There are days when I have trouble remembering my name. Kim often reminds me that this and everything else that I whine about will all be corrected in the resurrection. Isn’t it wonderful to know that we are supposed to be here and that our experiences are planned. We are a handful of people who know that we have a loving Heavenly Father and His Son, our Redeemer, has paved the trail for us to return home and continue our family life. How scary it would be not to know what the next step is. It would sure make life seem unfair. But every little detail, down to my bunnies has been taken care of. I can worry all I want, but it really won’t make any difference.
I am so grateful for my amazing family and how they have supported and loved me through this difficult experience. I will try to keep little updates on the blog as they occur.

SUNSHINE!

Becki has been began "maintenance mode" of her chemo now and is gaining a little more health and strength everyday. Naturally there are some crummy side effects to some of these drugs but overall the sun is finally poking it's head out from the clouds. YEAH!

A couple of weeks ago the family all went down to Moab to enjoy a weekend away before the end of summer. Becki was so excited that about 6 weeks before the trip, she researched multiple different online sites until she found just what she was looking for. She found a contraption that would cover up her PICC line and keep it completely dry so she could SWIM. That is what we love most.. playing in the pool.

We had a great time, like always, playing in the pool, watching movies, playing games, and just spending some good 'ole quality time together.

From here, we are hoping that there really aren't too many more updates (which is a good thing and means there wont be too many blog posts) She is finally on the mend and we pray that things will continue to go well. Thank you again for all your love, support, friendship, concern, and prayers. We couldn't have made it this far without the help of so many of you. Unfortunately this cancer is notorious for coming back, so please continue to pray for Becki's health. Bring on the prayers!

We will keep you posted on any updates.. thanks again!

The latest

Hi all you wonderful friends, ward members and family,

It has been a long 9 months, but I am finally able to build back up my strength without knocking it down again. I have completed two bone marrow transplants and all the chemo that goes with it. There is one more round of chemo, called consolidation, that they want me to do, but I have decided that I have had enough. I am moving into maintenance, which is Dexamethesone (a steroid) and Velcade (a chemo drug) every 4 out of 14 days for the next year.

This week has been a week of tests. Monday I had another bone marrow aspiration and I still squirm to find a spot to sit that doesn't hurt! (They remove 5 tablespoons of marrow and a piece of bone.) I also had an MRI and lab work. Today is a PET scan, and an echo cardiogram. The purpose of these tests are to see how well the 2nd transplant did. My appointment with my doctor is next Tuesday, so by then I should have all the information we need.

Every day I am feeling stronger and healthier! It is thanks to your prayers that I have made it this far. I am trying not to be too impatient. With my first transplant, it took me 4 months before I didn’t feel like passing out every 10 steps. It has only been 7 weeks since my second transplant, so I know I have at least 2 more months. The best news is I am finally getting a little hair. It’s taking its sweet time, but if I use a magnifying glass I can see it!!! I also have a healthier immune system, so if you are not sick or haven’t been exposed to swine flu, come see me!!!

Love, Becki

Park City

While everyone was healthy and in town, Becki planned a quick overnight getaway to Park City. There happened to be a firework show over Jordanelle the night we were up there, so we went to that, played in the pool, slept in, and had lots of yummy food and fun.

Waiting for the firework show to start. Nathan made sure everyone was equipped with a glow stick... wouldn't want to lose anyone now would we.

We also celebrated Shellie's birthday while we were there. All she wanted was money so we got creative with a bunch of $1 bills

We had a great weekend and are looking forward to Moab next month. Becki has already researched a special little contraption to keep her pick line from getting wet. Nothing is keeping her out of the pool this time!!

Scalp art

Becki got the okay to be around her grandkids last week, so she and Emily stopped by Brett and Jess' house on the way home from her doctor's appointment and surprised the kids with a visit!  It was a beautiful day, so we pulled out a blanket and sat in the shade in the front yard.  Someone came up with the crazy idea of decorating Grandma Becki's head, so after verifying several times that Becki was sure this was okay with her, we gave Nate and Ty some washable markers and let them go at it!  What a cool grandma!  How many kids do you know get to color all over their grandma's head?  

Ty has a turn

Nate is taking his job seriously

The final product!  Seems to have some Aztec undertones.

Ty gave Grandma Becki lots of hugs

She really missed those!

She's home!

Becki came home yesterday afternoon and is SO excited to be home and in her own bed.
They weren't going to let her come home quite yet, but after Emily had a very large and persuasive tempertantrum with the doctor, they let her go. She is doing great. She even walked all the way out to the car! There will still be daily trips up to the clinic for labs, IVs and such, but over all she is doing excellent. Just today while up at the clinic, a doctor mentioned how well she was doing. Becki's response was, "Great, can I go to Moab yet?" He just laughed and told her she at least needs to be able to swallow food. We are so thrilled at how well she is doing. Keep up the good fight Mom. We love you!

The past week...

Becki still isn't feeling great, but she is doing excellent considering. Her cells have started to engraft and she is now creating white blood cells. Yahoo! She is still unable to eat because the sores in her throat haven't gone down yet and continually mentions how much she would love a to guzzle a huge glass of water or a kids meal. She is definitely hungry, just can't swallow. During the last transplant, her blood pressure is what put her into septic shock. This time around her blood pressure hasn't gone below 100. We are stoked at how well her body is doing so far. Here are a few pics from the last week....

Brooke made this for Becki


Her room @ Huntman

The BMT (bone marrow transplant) clinic was full at the UofU Hospital so the first 4 days Becki stayed at Huntsman. There rooms are like 4 star hotels and the view was incredible.

The view from her window at Huntman

Then a room opened up on Thursday down in the BMT clinic and as one of the nurses in the clinic says, "it is like moving from Olympus Cove to West Valley" They are much more trained for what she is going through though, so we are happy with them taking care of her!

Quite the different view, huh?

Well the last couple of days her hair has really started to fall out alot, so the nurse got Emily a shaver to shave her head. Lets just say we now know why Emily didn't go through cosmetology school...

Good Job, Em!

She did redeem herself though... (the next day)

Much better

On Friday they finally put her on TPN which is to supplement her not being able to eat. She was SO excited! She kept saying how much it looked like milk and how she already felt a little better knowing she was finally going to get a little nutrition. As you can see in the picture above, she kept sniffing it as if it were the yummiest thing in the world.

Brooke and Emily snuggling up with Mom

Hanging out with her hubby

We are hoping she will get to go home soon. She curses that hospital bed and all the lovely noises her room makes. There is always an IV beeping or the bed filling up with more air which sounds like an airplane about to take off. We assume they won't let her leave until she can at least eat a little, so she is working really hard on trying to get some food down. Yesterday she ate 3 cheerios... baby steps, right?