Here we are, 10 months later and I’m still hanging on, and I’m still learning a lot about prayer and perspective. This is a very difficult time for me in this process. I feel pretty good, but I am not able to do the things I used to. I have to keep reminding myself that accomplishment is not what makes a person valuable. I feel like I am in limbo – not well enough to get out and act normal, but not sick enough to be stuck at home. Cancer research has made gigantic strides in the last 20 years and hopefully I will benefit from what I have been through, but ultimately Heavenly Father’s Will will take place. Although I know the right answer, I still have periods where I almost panic about missing milestones in the lives of my children, but deep down I know that I really won’t miss a thing, and maybe I’ll be more of an asset from the other side. I think it is not so much panic, as it is change. So often we try to second guess Heavenly Father’s personal plan for us and afterward admit that He knew what He was doing all along – we just kept getting in the way!! Don’t get me wrong, I would love to live another 10 years, but I’m sure there are many, many cancer families who would love the same thing. I remember hearing in a class I was taking that if Heavenly Father isn’t trying you, you’d better get your act together because trial brings the kind of growth necessary to bring about eternal families. That’s the whole idea behind our earthly experiences. In the final analysis family is all that matters.
When they talk about chemo brain, they are not kidding! There are days when I have trouble remembering my name. Kim often reminds me that this and everything else that I whine about will all be corrected in the resurrection. Isn’t it wonderful to know that we are supposed to be here and that our experiences are planned. We are a handful of people who know that we have a loving Heavenly Father and His Son, our Redeemer, has paved the trail for us to return home and continue our family life. How scary it would be not to know what the next step is. It would sure make life seem unfair. But every little detail, down to my bunnies has been taken care of. I can worry all I want, but it really won’t make any difference.
I am so grateful for my amazing family and how they have supported and loved me through this difficult experience. I will try to keep little updates on the blog as they occur.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Becki has been began "maintenance mode" of her chemo now and is gaining a little more health and strength everyday. Naturally there are some crummy side effects to some of these drugs but overall the sun is finally poking it's head out from the clouds. YEAH!
A couple of weeks ago the family all went down to Moab to enjoy a weekend away before the end of summer. Becki was so excited that about 6 weeks before the trip, she researched multiple different online sites until she found just what she was looking for. She found a contraption that would cover up her PICC line and keep it completely dry so she could SWIM. That is what we love most.. playing in the pool.
We had a great time, like always, playing in the pool, watching movies, playing games, and just spending some good 'ole quality time together.
From here, we are hoping that there really aren't too many more updates (which is a good thing and means there wont be too many blog posts) She is finally on the mend and we pray that things will continue to go well. Thank you again for all your love, support, friendship, concern, and prayers. We couldn't have made it this far without the help of so many of you. Unfortunately this cancer is notorious for coming back, so please continue to pray for Becki's health. Bring on the prayers!
We will keep you posted on any updates.. thanks again!