There is such power in Kindness

Emily is a very eloquent and beautiful writer and she sent this email out to our family last night. It made us all laugh, cry, and want to be better people. Thanks Emily for your endless service to Mom, your beautiful thoughts and inspiring words. We love you!

"You know, some things are just down right crappy--and there really isn't much you can do about it except hope that somewhere down the line there will be a glimmer of sunlit hope that perhaps, somehow, the future could be different. Sometimes that hope is quite a ways off, but then, sometimes for the smallest increment there are those tender mercies that for a single moment open the cloud cover and mercifully allows in the sun. I witnessed one of those moments this evening.It had been a long day rife with hallucinations, poor pain management and looks and facial contortions which could shatter your heart. As the late afternoon progressed, the tension inside our usually happy and luxurious hospital room was ever climbing. I wanted to knock the blessed pain management correspondence out cold and then expressed exactly how I felt to the poor not-so-very-little-and-definitely-balding medical student (that Mom kept repeatedly mentioning did NOT have a ring on his finger--blghhh). Nobody seemed to be listening, Mom was near tears, the not-really-English-speaking nurse was exceptionally stubborn and refused to attempt to understand our demands (or leave). The rising pressure ended with a digestive explosion which true to form brought 2 doctors knocking at the door (their timing is impeccable, really). I slipped out and told them as the patient's advocate I would negotiate but that she was done seeing the medical community for a few moments. They were reasonable and readily understood the concern and dismissed the situation and the deaf and dumb pain management ladies orders immediately. I slipped back in and after getting things and Mom cleaned up finally got her settled back in bed....only to bring another knock at the door. In exasperation, I sighed. In walked the flower delivery lady all cheerful and excited....Mom and I simultaneously said "but she/I can't be around flowers"...."fortunately", the cute flower girl said with a great big smile, "they are fake". Mom's face lit up like a kid on Christmas. "Would you like to read the card?" the girl asked....Excitedly Mom took the card and opened it as we placed the flowers in a visible place and the girl slipped out. Its a beautiful basket with greenery and three bright and incredibly hopeful flowers. The brim of my heart attempted to flow out my eyes as I in awe contemplated what an incredible gesture it was to send a basket of artificial flowers....but who could they be from? By this time, the card was opened and Mom handed it to me and asked me to read it. Through scrawled letters I read the touching message and in near tears said, "of course....it's from Jim and Sarah". These are the words of the card:

On the front: Sending you Hope
Inside: Strength, love and Support (this part was written in by hand) and Prayer

His message said: There are wonderful advances in cancer research and thousands of very smart people who have dedicated their lives and especially their hearts to find the cures and the causes. They wish you well.
Your faith will sustain, your courage will inspire others and your hopes will be realized.
God bless.Love, Jim and Sarah

Its the second time Mom had burst into a smile today. The first was when, completely unexpectedly (he lives in Maryland after all), Jim was standing in our doorway. Mom looked up, saw him, and instantaneously looked like she felt better. Completely serendipitously Dad had ran into him in the lobby (on a floor Dad was not even planning to get off on) and within minutes Jim stopped by our door just to say hello, wish Mom a brief well and continue off with the dignitaries he was with. Mom went on for awhile explaining what a wonderful person he was to the nurse and aide that attended her in the following minutes. Having lived so far away to miss most, if not all, family reunions during the course of my life, I had not met Jim but had heard of him and within moments, I felt this good looking stranger was family and must be of the illusive Maryland branch of Olsons. I was touched by how quickly he was here to visit (especially considering Dad called to tell me he had ran into him after he had already arrived and left). But even more so was I touched by the tender act of sending artificial flowers to brighten a day which had rather fleeting hope.
It was just a small thing, this act, but it seemed so representative of such a big thing. There is such power in kindness. There is such power in simple words said and gestures made. And sometimes, especially on the "cloudiest" of days there comes the one thing that can brighten and lift the lowest of hearts. Last August it was asked of President Monson what he would like for a birthday gift from members of the church and he said that he would ask each of us to find someone in need and do something to help them.
During the last months and year there have been an abundance of generous acts, countless meals, sweet hearts that have gone out of their way to be of some form of help, cards sent, calls made, emails, notes on the blog and innumerable prayers on our family's and Mom's behalf. These have been inspiring, and yet with so very many prayers sent I have wondered, if the pit of my heart could be as low as it is, how awful could it have been with no prayers? I'm glad I don't have the contrast for comparison, I suppose. I don't know why, today, a simple basket of fake flowers was so moving, but it was. Sincerity is an incredible thing. And for all of the thunderstorms that seem to inundate our world, it sure means the world when a simple sincere act is able to break through the clouds."

Becki with Jim and Sarah- they came by and visited again on Friday night one last time before heading back home to Maryland.

Its back to the hospital

Becki was admitted to the hospital after midnight last night because she is starting to run a fever. As much as she and all of the rest of us don't want her to be there, it is almost comforting to know that she is having knowledgable people keep a close eye on her throughout the hardest times. The sores in her mouth and throat are back and came back strong. She can barely even swallow water. Her digestive system doesn't know quite how to handle all the drugs and changes and has made her miserable. And now that she has a fever, it means that she has some kind of infection. Overall, she feels horrible but is remaining hopeful that this will all be over soon!
Thanks for all your love and concern.

Transplant #2

Yesterday afternoon Becki received her 2nd transplant. She is already feeling really sick and lousy. Kim has been keeping her filled with pain meds and nausea medicine which has helped up until this p0int, but last night she began running a fever. It wasn't too high, but we don't want to take any chances. Kim called up to the hospital and they said to watch it closely, but that a fever is common on the day you receive a transplant. Her body is extremely achey and she is trying to sleep as much as possible. The mouth sores have already started to form, so at this point we are just hoping that the next couple of weeks will just fly by. She should be back to having absolutely no immune system by tonight, maybe tomorrow and we expect her to probably be hospitalized by the weekend. The first 10-14 days is by far the worst, so please, please, continue to pray for her and our family. We are anxiously awaiting the summer and fall when she should be feeling better and we can move forward.

Fun in the sun

This past week Becki has been trying to get out and enjoy some things she hasn't been able to do too much of before she gets real sick again. She was able to go do a temple session with Emily and then after one of her dr appointment, Shellie and Brooke took her to Temple Square to see all the beautiful flowers.

Then on Mother's Day we had a nice dinner outside and enjoyed the sunshine. (She just started the chemo on Friday, but we didn't know how soon she would get neutrapenic, so we are staying outside to avoid any germs in the house) Becki really wanted a nice lounge chair for Mother's Day so she could enjoy the sunshine and yard during this next treatment. She is such a sunshine girl! Check out her new chair-

THE WAIT IS OVER

Friday I will begin to receive 4 days of an I.V. chemo and Tuesday the bone marrow transplant. I am ready! Kim, Brett and Ryan gave me a blessing, I feel great and I am mentally stoked. Spiritually, mentally and physically - I think that covers it! After a few months (depending on how quickly I heal) I will have another 4 days of chemo, and then it is just maintanance drugs!! By Fall I should be where I am now, but with no cancer cells (at least thats the idea!)
This second time around is so different than the first. With the first transplant, I began chemo the first of November and I didn't receive the transplant until December 19th. So this second round is hard and fast. I will be neutropenic (no immune system) almost immediately, and therefore quaranteened until my white blood cells can get on their feet again. By the next time you see me, I should actually have hair growing again!! (Just a little sidenote: I have had long hair my entire life. This short hair is a piece of cake. A little baby shampoo, dry it with a towel and wa-la, you are beautiful. I think we should start a fashion statement here in Draper. We would each have an extra hour a day! )
I know this has been a long process, but I ask again for your faith and prayers. And please, not just for me but for Kim and my caretaker daughters and sisters. Apparently, I am a tough cookie to take care of. I just can't imagine me being difficult!
Once again I want to make sure that everyone who reads this will know that I have an absolute testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ. I know that because of the atonement, my Savior has experienced everything I am going through. I feel His love and peace. I know that Heavenly Father has a plan for my life, and the desire of my heart is to fulfill that plan. His timetable might be different than mine, but I have tunnel vision while He sees the BIG picture. I know that my family is forever because of sacred covenants made in the Temple of our God. Kim, Brett, Jess, Nate, Ty, Ryan, Brooke, Emily, Shellie, Jacob and the rest of my wonderful family - I love you soooo much. I realize more than ever how important each one of you are. What would I do without you?

Delays...

Hi Everyone,
Last week during my regular weekly appointment, my blood pressure systolic number wouldn't go above 80. This has been a regular problem, and one of the reasons I ended up in the ICU in December. Dr. Zangari has had me into a cardiologist to rule out my heart and after my episode with the blood pressure last week, he canceled all of my tests and is now having me see a neurologist. I am scheduled for a nerve conduction test next week in hopes that the neurologist will figure it out. Needless to say, I am sooo ready to get this over with. I am trying really hard to have a positive attitude about this delay. After all, I really don't want to end up in ICU again! My prayers are always that the doctors will be inspired to know what to do - Heavenly Father must want me to see a neurologist!! I am sorry I didn't write sooner to let you know. I have received many wonderful "good luck" emails, for which I am very grateful. Please don't hesitate to email me. One of the exciting side effects of the chemo drugs I take on a regular basis is that I don't get to sleep until 3-4 AM. I devour your emails in the middle of the night. (Did you know that all of the best shows are on after 1AM - My Three Sons, Home Improvement, Sci-Fi, etc.) Pretty pathetic huh!
I know some of you are going to really relate to this and some of you are going to think I'm nuts, but Tuesday Emily took me to Costco and I got to walk up and down every single aisle (with a mask on of course). I haven't been to Costco in over 7 months. During my real life, I was a once a week shopper there. Wednesday I slept the entire day to make up for it, but it was worth it! Monday, I am going to the temple with my sister Lisa. That has been on the top of my priority list. I feel that I am finally strong enough to sit through a session and handle being in a closed environment with coughing people.
Seriously, thank you for your love and heartfelt prayers! This is all in Heavenly Father's hands and I know He is very aware of my needs and especially aware of YOU - the wonderful, caring people that surround me. You all have earned so many brownie points!!

I love you, Becki

The latest from Becki

Hi Everyone,
It's been a long 4 month wait, but we are now ready to continue with the second transplant. This week I will have a PET scan, a MRI, a pulminary test, a echo cardiogram and my favorite, another bone marrow biopsy! If all of the tests come back relatively similar to the baseline tests, then I will begin chemo on April 17th. I will be neutropenic almost immediately, so I will have to be completely isolated again. I know it has been a long process, and I have asked so much of you, but please keep me in your prayers. I am really nervous this time around because I know exactly what to expect. I always thought knowledge was power, but in this case I would rather be ignorant.
Today I went up to Layton to see my bunnies. I have missed them so much. Kim's sister Cheryl is caring for them and they are very loved. Then we spent the afternoon with extended family. I still have to wear a mask, but it is so great to hug. I've never been a very huggy person, but let me tell you, that is going to change. After 3 months of isolation I am starved for hugs! Another thing you will never hear me complain about again is my weight. Everyone needs a buffer of fat!! It pads your bones, gives you a buffer during sickness and looks healthy! Those of you who are 40 and under can fight to maintain the anorexic look, as for those of us over 40, ENJOY FOOD! It has taken me 3 1/2 months to be able to eat just a handful of different foods. Food is a very enjoyable part of life. I dream of the day I can eat pizza, chocolate, and bread again without getting sick.
Thanks for letting me rant! I also wanted to thank all of you who have brought meals in. I am awed at the kindness and generosity of my ward(s). Some of you I haven't even met yet. Thank you, thank you, thank you. My poor husband would starve if it weren't for you.

Love, Becki